So, now it's not just those. Almost nothing works, more and more stuff stops working all the time randomly.
I can't sleep because of how f***ed up the computer is, and my dad is so busy with work stuff that he can't do anything about anything, and seriously I'm just getting depressed... if I somehow miraculously get a completely working computer ever again, I'll make sure to not have internet connection so this can't happen again... and there are no viruses or ANYTHING like that, it's just some supermegahyperhacker doing it, and there's nothing that can be done to prevent it... I'll never be able to do anything again, but sadly I'm not the kind of person who gets actual "depression" anymore, I just have too much hope for everything because there happened to be a few people who liked my music...
And I really hate it that now I get HUNDREDS OF IDEAS FOR SONGS!!! Exactly at the moment when I can't do anything, I get all the best ideas... every thought I have is a whole song, I mean like F**K.
So unless I get a new computer (to use for everything else), and this one working (for internet stuff), this will probably be my last post, or maybe not. I'd
like it to be because of this whole stupid mess, but I'm sure it won't be, I'm just too attached to people on this forum...
And I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I prayed for the first time in like forever, like that'd do any good...
But I'm just desparate about getting to make music again, and deep down I know I'll never be able to again. NEVER. Not even if I get a new computer and everything... it just will never happen, because something will always prevent that from happening. Either my dad has work again so he can't try to fix the computer (or give me one of his over 9000 like he promised...) or something else. I'll never make music again, and I'll never do anything else again. It'd be so much easier to just be "a typical teenager" who has loads of friends and does stupid stuff and doesn't have the creativity to even throw a baseball, BUT I'M NOT LIKE THAT, so... uuuurrrrrggghhh. And even if I get a new computer, nothing will work, because some kind of weird error will happen because the supermegahyperhacker doesn't need internet connection... or something impossible like that. It's already on the border of that (deleted a file I downloaded ABOUT A MINUTE AFTER THAT (and I know it wasn't some virus that does it, because I scanned the whole computer with 4 things that should find anything suspicious/errors... NOTHING)) and everything just keeps being broken or deleted.
I'm genuinely scared, what if it's some kinda "karma thing"? Like, I'm almost starting to have everything I ever wanted that would be my "perfect life", and then everything just goes to s**t?
Something like what religious people would call "God's punishment" or something like that, or "some rich dude's way of saying 'f**k you'..." It's disturbing... maybe someone knows that it's all I want from my life (to make music that I myself would listen to/am proud of doing (I accomplished that exactly the day before it all started happening), get "enough" likes in Facebook (I always thought around 100-150; I got 130th that day, I think), write something cool (that also was something I managed to do the day before it...) lose some weight (that also happened during the last week or so)). If all that is a coincidence, well... it's kinda hard to believe. No one knew the exact things I would think of, so unless someone can read my thoughts, all this HAS to be a coincidence. But it can't be a coincidence, because too many things happened at the same time, and then something that ends it all in a mysterious, unexplainable way?
CAN NOT BE A COINCIDENCE. Seriously, I'm freaked out. Is it possible that it's some "karma thing" or whatever? I mean, many people have had the "you accomplished everything you wanted, now you lose it all"-kinda thing happen to them... so... it sucks if it's that, because it can't be explained... but I'm starting to feel like that's the only explanation there is, and it's not really an explanation...