A rant about control, (in)justice, (ir)rationality and life

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octagon
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A rant about control, (in)justice, (ir)rationality and life

Post by octagon »

Moved this into a new topic to avoid derailing the RP discussion thread.
Shade wrote:Duh... When was the last time you actually had good news? ;/
Needless to say, that sucks.
But... I mean, seriously. If you're sixteen, why don't you argue back? You're an individual. You have an opinion and a right to voice it. Parents are not always right. Convince them that nowadays, computers and the internet are simply necessary. Regarding them as evil is antique.
At the very least, can't you find some sort of compromise? Surely there's a reason your mom dislikes you spending time at the computer, right?
My mother doesn't consider computers evil - she works as a website designer herself. But she is unable to understand how the usage of a medium can differentiate between people.
Unlike many other people I acknowledge videogames as a medium like others, which can tell a deep and .
I use the internet to communicate with other people, including those I could not normally communicate with.
I don't read as much as I used to (I used to spend all day reading as a kid) since there is no genre of literature I'm specifically interested in right now.
Instead of watching TV (for entertainment), I watch Let's Plays and other stuff on Youtube.
I loathe physical exercise.
I'm awkward and shy and so on, you know, and I hardly take part in any usual social activities... I'm not much of an outcast anymore, but I just don't have much to talk about with most people, even though I want to.
In combination, because of these things I spend most of my spare time at the computer, which caused my mother to draw a premature conclusion.

In general, she seems to be quite obsessed with having control over my life. She's extremely worried about and concerned with my success/failure at school, especially since I didn't get my remove (that's what the dictionary says it's called; the term seems weird and situational, but I don't have access to an online dictionary right now) due to laziness, bad luck, lack of sleep, and the whole stuff that screwed me up during the last few years (things like arguments, pointless angst, and the combination of affection, idealization, debt and emotional instability which I used to consider 'love').
My mother justifies treating me like a child with my "irresponsible" behaviour.
But... I mean, seriously. If you're sixteen, why don't you argue back? You're an individual. You have an opinion and a right to voice it. Parents are not always right.
Due to my absentmindedness, dislike for rules and duties and nerdiness and her exaggerated worries, she treats me like I wouldn't be an individual with an opinion and a right to voice it.

She thinks she'd hold me in leading strings (again, that's what the ancient dictionary calls it) for my own good, but something's seriously wrong with her idea of what's good for me. In the few occasions when I was free from her influence for some time (school activities like the excursion to Greece a year ago), I was a lot happier and more level-headed, social and mature.

Enforcing your ways and ideas in someones life requires considering yours and your insight superiour to theirs, and she treats my opinions and needs as worthless, even though she denies doing so. I want to live my own life, and I don't see why I should let someone control me without any regard for my ideas and needs.

Some time ago, she was about to kick me out, but I convinced her to let me stay despite all the arguments since there's nowhere else for me to go. She suggested <betreutes Wohnen>, which is much too embarassing to be an option and probably brings a whole lot of new problems aside from making me an outcast again; a boarding school is not an option either, since I'm in the last few months of school and would have to repeat two years (which I'm not even allowed to anymore due to my failure last year). And even if the law allowed me to earn a living myself, I wouldn't be able to do so yet.

Lately, she got all fired up about the idea of me being "addicted" to computers/internet/whatever. Every time I contradict is considered a confirmation of her irrational hypothesis and only worsens my situation. Every time she even sees me using the computer strengthens that fixed idea of hers. And if she knew I play "violent" games (say, Cave Story or Final Fantasy Tactics), everything would be much worse.


Two more damn years and her control over me will hopefully have an end.

(I couldn't post this yesterday because my internet connection was blocked except for the time between 9 and 10 pm, and I additionally had to prepare for an exam.)

I apologize; this probably doesn't belong into these forums, and I thought I would've gotten rid of my habit of whining a while ago.
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Shade
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Re: A rant about control, (in)justice, (ir)rationality and l

Post by Shade »

octagon wrote:My mother doesn't consider computers evil - she works as a website designer herself. But she is unable to understand how the usage of a medium can differentiate between people.
That oddly reminds me of my father.
octagon wrote:Unlike many other people I acknowledge videogames as a medium like others, which can tell a deep and .
I assume you wanted to add something like "story" at the end of that sentence.
In which case I agree. I don't think of videogames as that much different from reading a book or watching TV - the main difference is that you actually actively have to interact with it. This means that, unlike watching TV, you have to exercise your mind to enjoy them. Yet the general consensus among people is that watching TV is acceptable and perfectly normal, yet videogames are true evil.
I can see why. It's pretty pitiful how much effort people put into making people who like videogames outcasts just to conceal the fact that the average gamer (not the sort that actually plays nothing but FPS like they're often portrayed as) is more intelligent than most other people.
octagon wrote:I don't read as much as I used to (I used to spend all day reading as a kid) since there is no genre of literature I'm specifically interested in right now.
Same for me. Roleplaying is a much more fun substitute in my opinion, since it not only requires you to interact with the story, but also allows you to actively shape it to your liking. Most movies and books are utterly boring, simply because you can already tell how they're gonna end without even having watched/read them.
Books to a lesser extent than movies, though.
octagon wrote:I'm awkward and shy and so on,
I used to be, too. That, however, is something that you must genuinely work on. Sadly, the world doesn't take kindly to shy people at all. If you are shy, you will be abused, teased and made fun of. You need to show people that you are to be taken seriously and are capable of voicing your opinions.
octagon wrote:In combination, because of these things I spend most of my spare time at the computer, which caused my mother to draw a premature conclusion.
All you need to do is to convince her that she's wrong.
octagon wrote:In general, she seems to be quite obsessed with having control over my life. She's extremely worried about and concerned with my success/failure at school,
That much is understandable. She's your mom, after all. It's a natural - if pretty annoying when taken too far - habit of parents.
Show her that she doesn't need to control your life.
octagon wrote:especially since I didn't get my remove (that's what the dictionary says it's called; the term seems weird and situational, but I don't have access to an online dictionary right now) due to laziness, bad luck, lack of sleep, and the whole stuff that screwed me up during the last few years (things like arguments, pointless angst, and the combination of affection, idealization, debt and emotional instability which I used to consider 'love').
Laziness and lack of sleep, however, are things you can and should work against. Spending your free time at the computer is perfectly fine. Ignoring your schoolwork in order to spend even more time at the computer isn't. The German school system is a massive pile of crap, but sadly, the antique-minded community in Germany (and pretty much everywhere else in the world, really) forces you to go through it. It's a necessary evil to co-exist with humanity.
octagon wrote:My mother justifies treating me like a child with my "irresponsible" behaviour.
Tell her this: You cannot develop or show dependability and responsibility if your mother doesn't allow you to make your own decisions. Treating someone like a child and then complaining that they act like one is the most ridiculous and hypocritical thing I've heard in a long time.
octagon wrote:Lately, she got all fired up about the idea of me being "addicted" to computers/internet/whatever.
I heard of that.
Computers are evil drugs. People who spend their free time at a computer are freaks and addicted. Computers are a terrible disease that people need to be cured of.
...I think I'm about to throw up. It's like saying "progress is evil". Without progress, we'd still have to deal with nasty stuff like the Black Death and be emptying buckets of poop onto the streets.
octagon wrote:Every time I contradict is considered a confirmation of her irrational hypothesis and only worsens my situation. Every time she even sees me using the computer strengthens that fixed idea of hers. And if she knew I play "violent" games (say, Cave Story or Final Fantasy Tactics), everything would be much worse.
Convince her that she's wrong.
Or, if you cannot do that, at least seek a compromise in your favor.
If you cannot even do that much, you're hopeless.
octagon wrote:I apologize; this probably doesn't belong into these forums, and I thought I would've gotten rid of my habit of whining a while ago.
You're a valuable member of these forums. Sometimes stuff like this just needs to be discussed.
Cimeries
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Re: A rant about control, (in)justice, (ir)rationality and l

Post by Cimeries »

Super sudden, but I'm going to toss in my 2 cents.

My parents used to be concerned about me using the computer too much. They used to bug me about it a lot, since at 16 all I did was play video games and surf the web, those were my only hobbies. I thought they were being neanderthals and hypocrites, but now I see that they were right. The pretty much left me to my own devices once I lost a bit of weight, started lifting weights and started going outside a little more. I spent nearly the same amount of time on the computer still, but even that was enough.

My point is, you need to show them that you're mature and that you can figure out for yourself how much time you spend on the computer. You need to talk to your mother. Even be blunt, just ask her what it will take to prove that you're reasonable and can think like an adult.

Edit: Be prepared for her to say that you need to reduce the time you spend on the computer. That is reasonable. Don't take it the wrong way, but if you would rather play a few more hours per day than have peace at home, i.e, your hobby is more important to you than your family's peace of mind, then you may have a problem.

You also need to understand that your parents are bugging you about computer addiction because it looks to them like computer addiction. You may indeed be addicted to the computer.
I denied it too, but I remember for a time, at one summer, right before the beginning of the school year, I was distraught over having far less time on the computer, even though I sat my ass for two months doing nothing but playing video games.

That is how I realized I was addicted. Nowadays, between college, projects, etc. and workouts I have maybe 1-1.5 hours to play per day, and that feels like enough, because after a while you just stop thinking about the computer as something that defines you and understand that it's just entertainment, and that you can get this entertainment elsewhere in different forms, even in your studies/work/projects.
:wink:
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octagon
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Octagon's Rant 3.2 - Weirdly Named Sequel Electric Boogaloo

Post by octagon »

Belated reply to your belated replies, since I didn't have much of an acute reason to think about this matter for quite a while.
Shade wrote:
octagon wrote:Unlike many other people I acknowledge videogames as a medium like others, which can tell a deep and .
I assume you wanted to add something like "story" at the end of that sentence.
Yes, this is a ridiculous example of my habit of writing a post multiple incomplete sentences at a time, sometimes at the course of several days. At least I usually manage to replace all German placeholder words in pointy braces (if that's what they're called; I can't look it up right now because my antiquated dictionary doesn't contain this word and I write longer posts offline nowadays.) my posts contain before submitting them.
Shade wrote:
octagon wrote:I'm awkward and shy and so on,
I used to be, too. That, however, is something that you must genuinely work on. Sadly, the world doesn't take kindly to shy people at all. If you are shy, you will be abused, teased and made fun of. You need to show people that you are to be taken seriously and are capable of voicing your opinions.
By "shy" I don't mean not expressing opinions. The problem is that I have a hard time talking to people, occasionally don't take part in normal conversation out of lack of anything to say and act quite distanced towards most people except close friends due to fear of being considered obtrusive or annoying.
Shade wrote:
octagon wrote:In general, she seems to be quite obsessed with having control over my life. She's extremely worried about and concerned with my success/failure at school,
That much is understandable. She's your mom, after all. It's a natural - if pretty annoying when taken too far - habit of parents.
Show her that she doesn't need to control your life.
octagon wrote:especially since I didn't get my remove (that's what the dictionary says it's called; the term seems weird and situational, but I don't have access to an online dictionary right now) due to laziness, bad luck, lack of sleep, and the whole stuff that screwed me up during the last few years (things like arguments, pointless angst, and the combination of affection, idealization, debt and emotional instability which I used to consider 'love').
Laziness and lack of sleep, however, are things you can and should work against. Spending your free time at the computer is perfectly fine. Ignoring your schoolwork in order to spend even more time at the computer isn't. The German school system is a massive pile of crap, but sadly, the antique-minded community in Germany (and pretty much everywhere else in the world, really) forces you to go through it. It's a necessary evil to co-exist with humanity.
I understand this, and I should definitely avert failing a second time; I've started to take school more seriously, and lately I started actually following lessons mentally the first time for about eight years, and I'm already doing much better. I'm still treated as if I hadn't changed at all, though.
Shade wrote:
octagon wrote:In general, she seems to be quite obsessed with having control over my life. She's extremely worried about and concerned with my success/failure at school,
That much is understandable. She's your mom, after all. It's a natural - if pretty annoying when taken too far - habit of parents.
Show her that she doesn't need to control your life.
Shade wrote:
octagon wrote:My mother justifies treating me like a child with my "irresponsible" behaviour.
Tell her this: You cannot develop or show dependability and responsibility if your mother doesn't allow you to make your own decisions. Treating someone like a child and then complaining that they act like one is the most ridiculous and hypocritical thing I've heard in a long time.
I told her a million times already, and a few times, she started rudimentarily understanding this, but anytime I misbehave or act irresponsibly in any way most of this is reverted, since she seems to consider any failure an indication of total lack of responsibility.

Regardless of what she says, it doesn't matter a damn bit how much I do. I can't really think she's ever gonna stop being overworried and reglementing me.
It seems like she wants to force me to do my work by preventing me from other things. I doubt she'd lock me up to force me to do schoolwork if I would usually do stuff in town instead of sitting in front of a computer, reading or listening to music.
Cimeries wrote:Super sudden, but I'm going to toss in my 2 cents.

My parents used to be concerned about me using the computer too much. They used to bug me about it a lot, since at 16 all I did was play video games and surf the web, those were my only hobbies. I thought they were being neanderthals and hypocrites, but now I see that they were right. The pretty much left me to my own devices once I lost a bit of weight, started lifting weights and started going outside a little more. I spent nearly the same amount of time on the computer still, but even that was enough.

My point is, you need to show them that you're mature and that you can figure out for yourself how much time you spend on the computer. You need to talk to your mother. Even be blunt, just ask her what it will take to prove that you're reasonable and can think like an adult.

Edit: Be prepared for her to say that you need to reduce the time you spend on the computer. That is reasonable. Don't take it the wrong way, but if you would rather play a few more hours per day than have peace at home, i.e, your hobby is more important to you than your family's peace of mind, then you may have a problem.

You also need to understand that your parents are bugging you about computer addiction because it looks to them like computer addiction. You may indeed be addicted to the computer.
I denied it too, but I remember for a time, at one summer, right before the beginning of the school year, I was distraught over having far less time on the computer, even though I sat my ass for two months doing nothing but playing video games.

That is how I realized I was addicted. Nowadays, between college, projects, etc. and workouts I have maybe 1-1.5 hours to play per day, and that feels like enough, because after a while you just stop thinking about the computer as something that defines you and understand that it's just entertainment, and that you can get this entertainment elsewhere in different forms, even in your studies/work/projects.

Any random misbehaviour or unreliability has the consequence of my internet access being restricted further by my mother. Currently, my internet access is locked by some child-proof lock thing except between 9 and 10 pm and on weekends, and she's probably offended that I'm not thankful for her generosity; while I was writing the majority of this post my connection was blocked randomly; I don't know why, and I shouldn't inquire.
I don't dare criticizing her at all anymore regarding her policies of restricting me, since every criticism. If I try to prove myself, she takes that as further evidence of me caring too much about internet access. When I tell her I'd try to prove myself without mentioning the computer at all, I'm just met with obnoxious, arrogant, taunting laughter.
Lately, her motivation seems to be less the fear of me being addicted, but an intention to discipline me and enforce my priorization of school, regardless of how much I already do so.

I had a few more points to make, and some stuff might be incomprehensible or incomplete, but writing this post took me so long that I forgot about unfinished things when being done with the rest. It's long enough, I suppose.
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Re: Octagon's Rant 3.2 - Weirdly Named Sequel Electric Booga

Post by Cimeries »

octagon wrote: By "shy" I don't mean not expressing opinions. The problem is that I have a hard time talking to people, occasionally don't take part in normal conversation out of lack of anything to say and act quite distanced towards most people except close friends due to fear of being considered obtrusive or annoying.
I am this. If you don't have anything to say don't say it. People will usually fill the blanks in conversation for you, esp. if you have a reputation for being the silent type.
I bloody hate small-talk, and all my friends know it.

The thing about being distanced to non-friends is a friend-buffer. Everyone behaves differently depending on the people they're around, not just you. Pay attention and you'll see everyone doing it. You're just doing it consciously, like me. :\
:wink:
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